Dani Bogatie Blog
The girl who 'doesn't know how pretty she is' has to be one of the most romanticised images in modern society.
Do you know what's even more beautiful? The girl who does. The woman who knows her eyes are a unique display of colour that another soul could get lost in. The woman who knows her smile lights up her whole face. Who knows her body is powerful and her curves are wonderful. Stop feeling ashamed for liking something about yourself! From a young age the media, and other influences, teach girls to be self-conscious. In 7th grade I wanted to be like the older girls who went on diets and complained about their body. There was nothing wrong with my body, (there is nothing wrong with any body), yet I stood in front of the mirror everyday until I convinced myself I was fat. Then I felt accepted. Validated. The world thrives upon self-doubt. The beauty and fashion industries thrive on it. Social media feeds upon it. We need to stop romanticising modesty, humility and being self-conscious. There is something unexplainably beautiful about a woman who loves the skin she lives in, and that's where I want to be. Do not shut yourself down when you feel good about your appearance. It's okay to stare at yourself in the mirror all day because you feel beautiful. You are beautiful! Do not feel guilty for noticing it, feel proud! You are allowed to love your drawings. You are allowed to love your writing, your mind, what you see in the mirror. You are allowed to love yourself.
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A while ago my mum told me that 'people are mirrors'.
We are only able to see things in another person if they already exist within ourselves. I am so grateful to her for introducing me to this concept, for giving me another way to look at the world - (perspective). This mindset provokes questioning, and questioning is good. ‘How can someone be so ignorant?’ ‘Does no one else see how immature this behaviour is?’ If the ‘mirror concept’ (as I am now deciding to call it) is applied to these questions, it becomes apparent, to me at least, that this ignorance can only be seen by another person because it was once experienced. I am able see that my friend is behaving immaturely, because not long ago I would have behaved in the exact same way. When we realise that other people’s flaws reflect our own, we are able to release them from judgement. As hard as it may be to accept, it is unfair to hold people to actions you deem ‘wrong’, when you too experienced those feelings at one stage. As humans we are prone to judgement and negativity; recognising other people’s shortfalls, but that is not all we are capable of. Mankind likes to romanticise life. To see beauty in small things, positivity in others. When we admire another person, recognise their strengths, we are able to see these qualities because the very same potential exists within ourselves. It is quite beautiful to think of every person mirroring one another in certain ways, yet also being so unique.
I was around 7 years old when I realised I loved maths. I would ask my dad to give me sums and see how fast I could do them. In prep I was the first person in my class who learnt to read. My teacher asked me to read out loud to the class and I felt important. Afterwards everyone clapped. In second grade I wrote everyone else's short stories, as well as my own, because it was fun, and my friends liked it when I helped them. I'm fifth grade I got put in an 'extension' class, with the highest academic achieving 20 kids in my grades and it was the best year of my life. Then I got to grade 6, and I realised that it wasn't cool to be smart anymore. My friends used to be impressed when I got good grades and I felt special, but suddenly I was just a nerd. I didn't want to read my stories to the class or do complex maths sums anymore, I just wanted to be normal. So I decided that I wouldn't be a 'nerd' anymore. I stopped listening in class and started talking to my friends instead. I didn't do any homework, I didn't study for exams and I definitely didn't try. I didn't want to be the 'smart girl' I wanted to be the 'pretty girl'. I wanted to rely on other people for help. I wanted to be the dumb, popular girl, more than anything else. So I tried. I tried so, so hard to make people see me like that. And you know what? it actually worked. People were surprised when I got an A in maths, because I seemed so ditzy. Girls asked me what mascara I used and where I got my hair done. No one thought I could help them with their assignments or homework. I was the first one to colour my hair and wear makeup to school. All I wanted was for people to see me as 'pretty' and nothing else. People knowing how smart I really was became my biggest fear. Now I'm realising how flawed that desire was, and questioning how society, or the schooling system, or my subconscious, convinced a little girl that she needed to dull her bright mind and wear a little more makeup to be seen as valuable. I can blame society all I want, but I was the one who convinced myself that being pretty was the only thing that could validate me. Being smart is beautiful. Having intelligence is an asset. Being good with words is a valuable skill and having a problem solving brain is important. I wish that I didn't feel ashamed for understanding things so quickly in primary school. I wish I didn't try so hard to hide the fact that reading was my favourite thing to do on the weekends. I wish I didn't spend so many years trying to hold back from learning so I could be like my friends. It's taken me 16 years to realise that the world is not divided into 'smart' girls and 'pretty' girls, and to associate a beautiful mind with outer beauty (how cliche). I wish I could go back to my young self and tell her that her mind is wonderful, and to embrace her talents. Now I'm struggling to pass high school maths, I still don't do my homework or listen in class, out of habit, and I've never learnt how to study. I'm tying to change, to put in the effort, but it's sad that if I hadn't already forced myself to change when I was younger I may not have to do it now. |